by Shine Through on Dates – First dates can be super stressful and a little nerve-racking. So, it’s crucial to let the real you shine through.
A recent study found that 33% of women dim their own shine on a date to fit into the perceived expectations of how men like them to behave.
1. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions
If you want to find someone who can be a long-term partner, it’s important to ask the right questions on dates. This can help you figure out whether or not you have a compatible relationship, and also give you a better understanding of the kind of person that you will be spending your time with.
A new study from Harvard University researchers shows that asking questions actually increases your chances of liking the person you are talking to. In fact, they found that people who asked follow-up questions were more likely to get a second date.
This is because it can help you learn about a person’s hobbies and interests, and also how they communicate with others. You can also get to know their pet peeves and their sense of humor. This will make you feel more comfortable on your date and help to determine if they are the right person for you.
But it’s not always easy to ask questions, especially if you don’t know your date very well. To help you out, we’ve rounded up some of the best questions to ask on a first date.
The first question you should ask is about their family, says Laurel House, relationship expert at eharmony. She recommends finding out what kind of parents they have, and whether or not they are close. This will help you figure out if they are a good fit for you and if their values are compatible with yours.
Another great question to ask is what they value most in life. This will help you figure out if this is the type of person that you want to be with, and if they are willing to work for their goals.
You can also ask your date what they want from their life and what they want out of a relationship. This will help you figure out if your goals and values are aligned with each other, which can make it easier for you to build a strong foundation with them.
In addition to helping you to establish a connection with your date, the right questions will also ensure that you have fun on your date. You should also be able to laugh together, and the right questions will help you find out if you have the same sense of humor.
2. Be Honest About Your Interests and Hobbies
Your interests and hobbies are a great way to let the real you shine through on dates. They can show you’re a person with a personality, a person who has an active social life and is open to new ideas.
Moreover, hobbies can help you build self-confidence, improve your mental health and give you new perspectives on the world around you. They can also help you make connections with people who share your interests.
If you’re applying for a job, including your hobbies on your resume can help you stand out from other applicants. They can also highlight the skills you have that employers are looking for.
For example, if you’re applying for a writing job, having Dungeons & Dragons as an interest can show that you have good writing skills.
You should also be honest about your hobbies and interests during interviews. You don’t want to lie about them or make them sound like a joke because that can backfire.
A good hobby can provide you with some excellent examples of how you’ve faced a challenge and overcome it. It can also help you show that you’re a hard worker and a motivated candidate.
To get the most out of your hobbies and interests, be honest about them when applying for a job and be specific about what you enjoy doing. For example, you can mention that you like playing basketball or football, but don’t mention that you love polo when you’ve never actually played it.
Hiring managers are looking for a candidate who is passionate about what they do, so be specific about what you enjoy doing outside of work and make it seem interesting to them.
In addition, don’t include hobbies that could be viewed as weird or antisocial. For example, don’t say that you like to party like there’s no tomorrow.
The goal is to be honest and specific about your hobbies and interests so that they show that you have good communication skills, teamwork skills and creativity. But you should also be careful about what you include on your resume.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask About Theirs
Asking about your date’s personal life can be daunting, but it’s also important to do so. It can reveal a lot about the person, including their values and priorities.
According to relationship expert John Gottman, PhD, a healthy relationship starts with a shared understanding of one another’s priorities and beliefs. It’s also a way to show that you care about them and want to know more about them as a person.
A common misconception is that you should only ask questions about your interests, but clinical psychologist and author of Eight Dates: A Step-by-Step Guide to Building a Healthy Relationship Nancy Irwin, PsyD, says it’s important to bring up topics that are meaningful to both of you. These can include anything from their favorite food to the movie they’re most proud of watching.
If you’re a bookworm, you might find it interesting to learn what your date has been reading lately, or if they’re a political junkie, you might be interested in learning more about their views on the Republican primaries.
You should also never be afraid to ask about their pet peeves, because it can give you a better idea of what makes them tick. Everyone has things they don’t like, whether it’s a particular kind of restaurant, or the type of music that makes them groan.
Then, if you’re comfortable with them, you can explore how these pet peeves affect their daily lives and relationships. This can reveal a lot about the person, and will help you feel more at ease on dates.
It’s also a great opportunity to get them talking about their hobbies and interests, as they can open up about the things that they enjoy doing. It’s also a great opportunity to share your own passions, so you can start to build a deeper connection together.
The truth is, it’s always easier to be honest than it is to be a chameleon, so try to be brave enough to ask about your date’s personal life on the first date. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with the insights you can gain about them and how much you may have in common!
4. Be Honest About Yourself
Getting to know someone on a first date is a perfect time to be honest about yourself. It can be intimidating to tell someone all about your quirky hobbies and interests, but it’s important to let them know the real you at the start of the relationship.
“If you start a relationship by hiding who you are, you won’t be accepted or appreciated by your partner,” says relationship expert Gomelsky. She adds that if you hide certain characteristics or traits that make you unique, then your partner may have second thoughts about the relationship and question whether they can love you.
The best way to build trust in a relationship is by being honest, so it’s important to be open and vulnerable with your date about your own emotions. It might feel a little uncomfortable at the time, but being true to yourself will help your date get to know you better and make the relationship stronger, says dating coach Laurel House.
“At the same time, there is a fine line between being too honest and being self-deprecating. If you are honest, but you’re also too harsh or negative, it can come across as a little aggressive and can make it harder for your date to connect with you,” she says.
Being honest with yourself can lead to feelings of freedom and expansion, and it can provide a great deal of clarity about what you want out of life. It can also make you more compassionate and understanding of others, which can be a huge benefit to your date.
Another positive effect of being honest is that it will make you a happier person overall, according to therapist and author Sarah Sharam. She explains that when you are truly honest with yourself, you eliminate all the noise and opinions in your life. You also remove all the things that don’t make you happy and replace them with things that do.
Honesty also leads to a sense of self-worth, which is key for relationships to flourish. It can help you feel more secure and less anxious about your future, so it’s worth taking the time to be honest with yourself on a first date.
